Oh Gay Pareee
It has been far to long since the last time I have blogged about my globe trotting rediculousness. I have missed entries on entire countries that I’ve visited; but after last nights StyleBoston event at the Four Seasons I have been inspired to start blogging again. So here I go as I sit here in the comfort of my Moon Boots…I think I will start with New Years.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I have pretty much only one solid rule in my life. I will never spend an entire 365 days on US soil. As New Years rolled around and I was approaching day 362 I knew I had to make moves. So I decided to go to Paris with some friends (two of who I hadn’t met before) to Paris. We flew in from Geneva, Philly, New York and Boston…excessive to say the least. 3 of the 4 of us had already been to Paris before so we were past all the touristy stuff except for a brief trip to Versailles…then the rest of the trip was about the clubbing, wine, food, and of course countless hours spent in Le Marais.
Actual mid-night on New Years was not entirely thrilling…just 4 friends passing around champagne watching the Eiffel sparkle. Ok so I guess that was pretty cool…but it’s the events that happened after that are really memorable.
We ended up going a club called Le Java…part cafe/part basement jam band club. The crowd was
quite young (15-16ish) and there was a lot of insane fashion choices. There were drag queens and trannies as far as the eye could see. Two of the members of our group decided to leave early, but having paid 20 Euros to get in G and I wanted to stay and dance the night away hopped up on Strawberry Red Bull Vodkas. At some point in all the crazy confusion of dancing on stage while the band played rock music with a techno DJ supporting them (questionable I know) shirts started coming off, I made out with what I believe was a tranny-hot-messand my friends obvi, and then all of a sudden my tinsel (yes. i own pants made out of tinsel) pants ripped right down the right side of my ass…but clearly I was determined to have a good time and not let that stop me. Thank god I was wearing black underwear and not something heinous! 15 minutes later at G and I went to grab yet another cocktail we were approached by
two 40ish year old gentleman offering us ecstasy and 200 euros to sleep with them…because apparently I now looked like a prostitute (life goal complete). I politely declined but then was
scoffed at by the gentleman because apparently 100 euros is the going rate…so now I am a
‘high-class’ prostitute. WIN! We continued to dance thenight away unphased until7am…because clearly we did not go home before 6:30 this whole trip. And being the good American’s that we are, what did we decide to have for our first meal of 2011? MacDoe as the French call it…yes that is McDonalds…but hey…at least it can only go up from here?
We spent the rest of the week visiting the Louvre (which I rocked
in an epic fur ensamble) and frequenting a bar/club called Raidd. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been more conflicted about a drinking establishment in my life. The people we met there were phenomenal and the drinks cheap…but then there were men
showering in the walls? Legit there was a plexiglass wall with a shower in it right above the dance floor where gorgeous men would getin and just…shower. At first I thought it was cute; some of them would flex and some would dance…but then…they started to take the spedos off. Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for nudity and think the human body is a gorgeous thing…but I do not…I DO NOT…need to see you jacking off while I’m trying to mingle and get my drink on. Just not my cup of tea darling. Needless to say that was not my favorite hotspot in Paris…even if we did end up there 3 times lol.
Our last full night in Paris it was back to just G and I wanting to be out. It was Sunday night and we had heard nothing but RAVE reviews of the mega-club Queen, so we had to check it out. After trying our hardest to just stay in and be responsible we ended up getting to the club around 3am. With no line outside we were not expecting much, and at 20 euros a pop we were prepared to be pretty underwhelmed…but after descending the stairs in to the enormous basement dance floor our minds were blown. There were hundreds of young, sweaty, barely clothed men grinding to the DJ. We had found heaven 🙂 . G and I spent hours sloppily and 
aggressively grinding with our shirts off…neither one of us is quite sure what happened that night but we both woke up covered in scratches and bruises…one of which I still have on my leg today…3 weeks later? One of the most phenomenal and unexpected aspects of Queen is that their drinks come with lids so all the rave kids can go hard without having to worry about spilling…but hey when two Vodka Red
Bulls cost 35 euros I expect to be treated to an adult sippy cup. After a few hours of debauchery it was back to the hotel room, which conveniently had a see-
through shower as well…which lead to nothing good 😉
All-in-all it was an amazing trip. Quite different from the last time I went to Paris for fashion week, but I think I have a new appreciation for the city of love. I will be back soon Paris. Don’t forget about me!
Until next time. Stay fashionable, and rock your OWN style!
I have this friend that…
So every one of us has a good sex story here or there…but most of us are to shy, or modest to share them…I on the other hand am not. I am an open, over-sharing book; and I wouldn’t have it any other way. So today’s blog is dedicated to telling yalls stories (and perhaps one of my own) in the most anonymous of ways. So everyone can get it off their chests without really saying anything. (please feel free to share more stories with me for future posting because this is phenomenal!)
So….
I have this friend that…
Was hanging out in the back yard one day…just chit chatting away as any 13 year old with the new kid from down the street. On that warm summer afternoon, no one else was home, and the pine trees mildly hid what was going on from the neighbors as they sat on the trampoline. Conversation started with how silly it is that people of the mid-west refer to the all important blow job as “snow-blowers“. The new kid was not hip to this lingo, they were not from around there. Conversation continued on…one thing led to another…and everyones virginity was gone…odd how something that was never tangible can be so important when it disappears. My friend assures me that while trampoline devirgining sounds thrilling, it also comes with many difficulties past that of your average first time. Planning for the bouncing and double-bouncing of your partner can prove fatal if attention is not paid. I hear it is hard to focus that much on the mechanics as you can’t truly appreciate the pure ecstasy of the acts taking place.
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Had been casually sleeping with an acquaintance for about 9 months or so. The basic situation would go as such: myfriend would get a text from this friend at some point midway through the night saying “heyy what’s up?” They would then banter back and forth for awhile until eventually they would invite their friend over at the end of the night. My friend would have sex with them, they would have a snack and the visitor would smoke a cigarette while they chattedfor awhile, and then would snuggle into bed. They would chat the next morning for awhile, sometimes have sex again, and then they would send the guest back on their way, never to regret the late night rendezvous’. One warm early September evening my friend was at the bar downtown. My friend hadn’t heard from the late night booty call until they heard their cell phone vibrate around 11:30. My friend kept asking everyone whether or not they should tryto see the fling tonight or whether it was a lost cause. Obviously we were all for it and love to see my friend put in to compromising situations. After a few back and forths the text messages stopped and my friend, as they often do, asked themselves why they wasted their time on someone that was too dumb to respond to text messages. Around 3:00, after drunk snacks, my friend ended up hearing back from said booty call. The piece of meat was asking my friend to comeover to “their” place. My friend knew they lived at home in Natick and did not have an apartment in the city. When my friend asked the sex toy about this they said that they had just moved into an apartment up the street from my friends place. Weird. But,seeing as it was just after the September move-in date for most Boston apartments my naive friend didn’t really think twice about it except to say “I hope I don’t run into my ho at Stop and Shop when I’m in my sweatpants.”
My friend grabbed a bag and some lip gloss and ran out the door. It was just a quick 3-minute walk for them up thestreet where they were greeted at the door of the booty calls friend’s new home and introduced to their roommates. My friend shook Frank and Ari’s hand, Frank gave them a kiss and asked if they would psychoanalyze him (my friend had been apsych major in college) and then the man friend told said they needed a tour of the apartment. The last stop on the tour was the sex object’s room. My friend thought it was nice but thought to how weird it was that this person had so manybooks. The acquaintance didn’t really come off as a reader. They said their goodnights to the roommates and proceeded to lie down in the friend’s comfy new queen-size bed. My friend period had unfortunately sprung a leak, so no sex, but as clothes came off my friend began to think that maybe it was nice to have a booty call right up the street. They could get used to this big comfy bed that didn’t squeak (my friends did and it always made for a challenge when sleeping with the common guest in the past as it would wake my friends roommates). When the piece of meat asked my friend if they liked the bed, of course my friend replied yes and that the room was very nice, which it was. My friend loved hooking up with the sex toy- at barely 5 feet it was easy for my friend to find a catch bigger than them, but this ones strong arms and about 8 inch height difference on my friend made it feel so good to be wrapped up in their arms. My friend said that things started to get a little weird after they had been giving her manfriend head for awhile. Usually my friend would just spit after a john had came or they would be having sex. But after awhile the ho asked my friend if they wanted to give them a hand-job. No, my friend knew that this tramp knew my friend hated giving hand-jobs and had never received one from my friend in the past. My friend continued giving homie head and, when the toy was about to cum, they moved away and proceeded to cum on the new bed. This was very weird to my friend, but they figured it was maybe because my friend never wanted the casual sex partner to cum all over their bed when they hooked up at my friends place. They talked for a while and the partner in crime got up and put their underwear on while my friend continued to lay in bed, wondering if they should spend the night or just walk the 5 feet home. As my friends host lit a cigarette, they informed my friend that it WAS NOT THE HOSTS APARTMENT!!! My friend lay there, practically naked, stunned, and confused. The john informed my friend that it was a best friend’s place and that my friend was currently laying in his bed! The ho had just jizzed all over a best friend’s bed! Those weren’t the hosts roommates. That wasn’t the hosts set of keys. When my friend asked why the HELL they would lie to her they simply giggled and replied that they knew my friend was too nice to have come over if they had known it wasn’t their place. NO SHIT. Apparently the dumb hooker wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought after all. My friend said they never felt like a dumber slut in their entire life. The host asked if my friend was still going to spend the night and when my friend said no, the host said it was probably for the best since they didn’t want my friend to watch this booty call get their ass kicked. My friend got dressed and hurried their way to the door. My friend had been used and deceived and did not like it. Then and there my friend decided never to let the drunken banter go too far again with this casual friend and hasn’t seen that ho since!
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That had aspirations of being with divinity in the flavor of mocha. One faithful day that dream came true for my friend…but sadly they don’t recall a thing. My friend was studying abroad (as many of my friends do) in France. A few weeks before returning to America my friend happened to be celebrating their birthday (coincidently it happened to be an important coming of age birthday in Europe so everyone was quite excited for them). All my friend can remember is having the time of their life. Celebrating out on the town at their favorite late night spots and then having everyone over for an American style house party (apparently the Europeans don’t have house parties? I was shocked). Anyways, my friend woke up lying naked on their floor with the door open and had vomited in to an $800 bag! Their friends proceeded to try to make breakfast for them and help them sober up as my (poor planning) friend had a presentation to give for a final later that morning. Apparently while on the train they decided to make a fake presentation so they could excuse themselves often from class as to fight the nausea. On one of these faithful trips to the bathroom my friend overheard in the hallway, “I fuckeds wit them last night“. My friend thought they must have mis-heard the French accent…no way had their dream finally come true, just for them not to remember a thing? For the rest of the time my friend was in Europe everyone congratulated them on what an accomplishment that sex had been, and how they had heard about how good it was. My friend sheepishly played along the whole story glad that they were remembered as being good; and glad they were returning back to us in Boston soon so they wouldn’t have to go in to too much detail.
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That once studied abroad (another one from France). On weekend all their Franco-American friends were in Philadelphia having a study abroad reunion weekend. Almost everyone that studied abroad in Lyon with my friend was there. They were all meeting up from different colleges on the East Coast to stay with a great friend of theirs, called ‘Liz’, in her apartment. The first night all the friends pre-gamed at Liz’s apartment with tequila and vodka shots, and then went to a bar where most of them started to brown or black out.
At the end of the evening they all went back to Liz’s apartment. After hanging out for a hot minute, my friend went to bed in Liz’s bed. Later that night one of my friends acquaintances from study abroad, the most regular/ordinary friend in the world decided to hop into Liz’s bed to see if they could make something happen with my friend. From what I hear that very thing took place. They made out and apparently the bed intruder WENT DOWN on my friend! After plain jane was done, I hear that my friend just pushed the hook-up away and went to sleep. But little did my friend know, they are an animal under the sheets. Apparently my friend was making jungle cat noises while Antoine Dodson (aka. bed intruder lol. I’m clever) was busy down there. My friend was totally humiliated the next day and ever since then we like to give my friend a little “rarrrr” to tease them. 🙂
There will be more stories to come in the near future….I will leave it up to yall to figure out whom these entries came from 🙂
Life is a Runway by DHSivad 